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Vampire Hookers
[Continental Video]
1978; color
Directed by Cirio H. Santiago
Starring: John Carradine, Karen Stride, Lenka Novak, Katie Dolan & Vic Diaz
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This is the kind of movie you know you have to see, right from the very first time you spy the boxcover. At least if you have my kind of sinematic sensibilities. I'll admit it, I'm a huge mark for titles like Vampire Hookers, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, or pretty much anything with vampire or hooker in the title... as long as it was made before 1990. This true gem of bad filmdom stars John Carradine as a vampire named John Peter Richmond who wears a white three-piece suit and lives under an abandoned cemetery funeral home in a pretty swankily re-decorated giant underground crypt. Living with him are three vampire girls and a non-vampire servant (played by perennial BMB favorite Vic Diaz) who desperately wants to be a vampire but just doesn't have the stomach for blood. The action starts when two "red-blooded" American sailors, just in on shore leave, and their captain head out for an evening of drinking and carousing. The Captain quickly finds himself some female company for the evening - or at least a portion of it - and leaves the other two to their own devices. Long story short, the sailors end up in a bar fight and get hauled to the brig within seconds of being left alone, while the Captain ends up being taken for the ride of his life. Actually, it's not so much the ride as the destination and end result that count. Turns out his girl is one of Richmond's cohorts, and he winds up Bloody Mary fodder in no time flat. (That's another thing, these vampires not only go for the traditional neck bite, they mix the blood with vodka for a cocktail!) Once the two sailors get out of jail a week later, they find out their boss is AWOL and decide to investigate. Somehow or another they manage to find the taxi driver who took their captain to the cemetery and subsequently discover what we already know. The trouble is, no one believes them; not the local cops or the MPs. One of them goes back to the cemetery and, instead of being killed, winds up as a human sex toy for the three sex-starved vampire girls. Eventually his buddy comes back with stakes, crosses and other vampire killing gear and, despite his own clumsiness, ends up getting the job done. Or so he thinks. I'm not saying this stuff is high art, I'm not even saying it's good; there's just something about it that draws me back to it at least once a year.
—the Kommandant
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