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Simon, King Of The Witches
[Dark Sky Films]
1971; color
Directed by Bruce Kessler
Starring: Andrew Prine, Brenda Scott, George Paulsin, Norman Burton, Gerald York & Ultra Violet
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Looking at the DVD cover, and knowing this was filmed in the early '70s, I'd imagine many people would assume Simon, King Of The Witches to be a somewhat stereotypical sexy, Satan-y, Satanic sexploitation flick. (I know I did!) However, that is not the case. Even after watching it twice I'm still not sure how to categorize this film (I fell asleep the first time so I really only watched 30 minutes of it; I must have just been tired though, it didn't feel boring the second time) but I did like it. How could you not like a movie about a warlock who "...lives in a storm drain and sometimes talks to trees" but is "deadly serious about his witchy craft?" The story revolves, as you may have guessed, around a fella named Simon. As you may not have guessed, he's not actually King Of The Witches. Truthfully I don't think he's the king of anything; but he is apparently some sort of magician. A magician who, as mentioned previously, lives in a storm drain. (In Simon's words: "When it rains, most people go inside... but... not me..." See, because he lives in the storm drain... when it rains, water comes into the drainage system, thus flooding his truly humble abode. Which is clearly a bummer, whether you're a practitioner of white magic or regular ol' homeless crackhead.) In case you were wondering, you don't have to read the box to learn about his living situation because Simon is the kind of fella who likes to talk; to strangers, to himself, to the camera and, as also mentioned previously, the occasional tree. But mostly to the camera. (In the bonus interview with director Bruce Kessler he refers to this practice as "breaking the third wall." When I worked in my local community theater we called this "talking to the audience." Basically, it's the same thing, except you sound a hell of a lot less pretentious when you say it my way.) To get back to the story though, early in the film we see poor Simon get arrested. Instead of whipping up a spell for him to disappear while chained in one corner of the room and reappear a free man in the opposite corner of the room, which is totally what Paul Naschy would have done, Simon just waits for things to play out. That's the way things were in America in the late '60s / early '70s I guess - magicians were laid back and mellow. Not all about cable TV show ratings, getting just the right amount of smudge in their eyeliner and fucking Cameron Diaz like they are today. Back then a warlock was happy just to get invited to a party or two, especially a party attended by stoned hippie chicks or thrill seekers who have their checkbooks handy. Fortunately that's exactly what happens to Simon, thanks to the young fella who winds up sharing his cell. Soon our "hero" starts to get more and more involved in the circle of friends and acquaintances circling the hippie kid and, before long, you start to realize not only is Simon not quite the magician you conjured up in your head, this movie is not anything like most films involving a Satanic orgy. (Of course, most films involving a Satanic orgy don't feature flabby senior citizens or Factory Girl Ultra Violet.) For one thing, this movie is a comedy. Sort of. I'm not sure if it's the kind of thing where it was meant to be humorous (as the director asserts) or the humorous aspects made themselves more evident in hindsight but the movie definitely has some ridiculous and laughable moments. I think my favorite is the part where, during the Satanic mass that leads up to the Satanic orgy, Ultra Violet throws back the curtains to reveal a goat sitting in a chair with a black fabric thrown over it's bottom half. Hilarious! Perhaps not the best choice for those who fancy the more sleazy Eurotrash style of Satan worship but worth repeat viewings.
—Bunny
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