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Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill
[RetroMedia]
1966; color
Directed by Gianfranco Parolini
Starring: Tony Kendall, Brad Harris, Maria Perschy & Christa Linder
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I'm still trying to figure out if Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill is a parody of '60s spy thrillers, a straight up spy thriller, or something in between. (With some intentional wink-at-the-audience humor thrown in for good measure.) Based on the German "Kommissar X" series of novels—with which I'm completely unfamiliar—starring a private detective named Joe Walker who takes suave to a whole other level, this movie is definitely a second class citizen to the James Bonds and Matt Helms it aspires to emulate. (For example, Walker has his own theme song, but it's so awful it's laughably distracting from the action on screen.) Things start off simply enough as Walker gets hired by a mysterious blond to find a missing man, despite the fact he's supposed to be on vacation. Once he's on the case, his potential leads start dying and he finds himself working hand-in-hand with a police Captain named Tom Rowland. A fella who's none too happy about Walker's presence. (The implication is that there's some history between the two but it's not explained.) Somehow things end up centered around a man named Oberon, who's not only responsible for the deaths that keep happening but also has a privately amassed gold reserve almost equal to Fort Knox as part of a plan to control the world's gold supply. The gold is also irradiated to prevent theft, and the missing man from the beginning of the movie turns out to be a scientist who discovered a way to de-irradiate the gold but unfortunately died from radiation poisoning during the process. Oberon's hideout, where all this action takes place, is a vast underground lair beneath a private island populated by gun-toting guards and a crew of two or three dozen identically outfitted blondes who obey his every command. Invariably, Walker ends up in Oberon's HQ and. as soon as he gets his lips locked with those of the head blond, she switches teams (uh, so to speak) and gets the girls to all switch as well. (This is actually achieved by not administering their daily mind control injections.) Everything leads up to the showdown between Walker, Rowland (who by now has figured it all out and joined Walker on the island) and Oberon, who has conveniently initiated the self-destruct sequence that it seems all island-based super villain lairs are equipped with. Considering there were two sequels to KKKK that partnered Walker and Rowland together again, I'm pretty sure you can all guess the film's basic outcome. While this is definitely the weakest entry in the '60s Euro-spy field I've seen, it's still totally watchable.
—the Kommandant
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