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Alley Tramp
[Something Weird / Image]
1968; b&w
Directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis
Starring: Julia Ames, Jean Lamee, Lisa Bourdon, Marie Delmonde & Steve White
Over 18… And Ready!
[Something Weird / Image]
1969; b&w
Directed by Lloyd Allen
Starring: Gary M. Fox, Herb Henry, Michelle LeGrande, Larry Martinelli & Mary McRea
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From the fertile vaults of SWV (who else?) comes this two-fer of late '60s sleaze that's bad, bad, bad from almost every angle. First up we've got Alley Tramp, an apparently shot-for-hire quickie by one Armand Parys, AKA Herschell Gordon Lewis. I'm not sure if Lewis used this most obscure pseudonym out of embarrassment (this is the name's only appearance in his filmography) but I'm pretty sure that if I'd been responsible for this flick, I wouldn't have wanted my real name associated with it either. At the film's opening, future "alley tramp" Marie is your not-so-typical 16 year-old high school girl; apparently yet to discover boys (or girls, for that matter) and all the associated shenanigans and awkward sexcapades teens tend to get caught up in. Aside from that, her parents' relationship is clearly on the rocks, to the extent that mom's gotta resort to getting dad drunk just so he'll have sex with her. This happens one fateful night while Marie's out, and they have no idea that she's come home early and spied them getting it on. This wee bit of voyeurism not only starts up Marie's libido, it throws it into overdrive and in no time flat she's screwing her third cousin! (Who her parents think is moral, upright and has his head screwed on straight.) If that wasn't bad enough, one other fateful day Marie stumbles in on her mom fooling around with a plumber. She plays that to her advantage by seducing him and blackmailing her mom with the threat of spilling the beans about the whole thing to her dad. Somewhere along the way she gets pregnant, gets an abortion (off camera) and ends up in the hospital. While she's bed-ridden, her remorseful parents swear up and down that they'll try to try to be better parents. Everyone's happy… or so it would seem. Once Marie's alone and a new doctor comes in to check on her though, she picks up right from where she left off and jumps his bones in her hospital bed. Next scene: mom and dad are speaking with another doctor who tells them that, due to their daughter's extreme nymphomania ("at such a young age"), he's committed her to a mental facility. In an overly moral resolution, mom and dad pledge to make their home whole - for real this time - so that it'll be safe for Marie if and when she gets out.
The second feature, Over 18… And Ready!, doesn't fare much better. This tale, involving a secretary who wants to break into movies, is unintentionally funny because of it's woefully inept acting and non-sensical editing that will probably have almost everyone who sees it scratching their head. Lyn is a secretary for a dude named Barney. He's a porn filmmaker and she's eager to make it in pictures. So she gets a photographer friend, Gerry (who later becomes her boyfriend), to shoot some nudes of her. Later, she wisely slips said photos into her boss's briefcase. Once Billie, his scary lesbian wife (who, as it turns out, finances the whole operation) gets a look at the photos, Lyn is in. In fact, Lyn's so good at what she does on camera that Barney and Billie insist she move in with them and their hot African American maid / sex slave, Martha. Lyn's not too crazy about this arrangement, and still keeps seeing Gerry on the side, but also blows him off to keep Barney and Billie off her back. Eventually it all comes to a head when Gerry shows up uninvited at the house and stops Barney from attacking Lyn. After punching Barney out, he drives off and Lyn follows in hot pursuit. As she's barreling down the winding Pacific Coast Highway, the events of the past few weeks keep replaying in her mind. (Kinda like when Homer is tormented by different images of Burns yelling at him.) As she's pummeled by memories at a breakneck pace she loses control and slams her car into a tree, killing her and, thankfully, freeing all of us from this celluloid mess.
—the Kommandant
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